Q&A: Fiona Pestana 'MOLDY TEARS' Poetry Collection
POURING THEMSELF INTO A NEW MEDIUM - Fiona Pestana showcases a sense of honesty and vulnerability with their new poetry collection MOLDY TEARS. With a love for connecting to others and lifting others up, Pestana allows their audience to grasp a more raw side of their work centering around depression and mental health. Playing an important role in the destigmitazation of mental health, MOLDY TEARS serves as a book for readers to not feel so alone in some of their own struggles.
The self published book allows for a strong introduction and foundation for Pestana as a writer and advocate. Paired with charming illustrations by Maddie Kutler, the book is filled with emotive passages that seem to sink deeper and deeper with the reader with each line.
MOLDY TEARS is available to purchase for a name-your-price option, with 50% of the proceeds will be donated to the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network. Check out MOLDY TEARS and read below to learn more about the making of the book.
LUNA: Congrats on the release of your first poetry collection - MOLDY TEARS! How are you feeling now that this body of work is out into the world?
PESTANA: Thank you so much!! When I began thinking about pushing a poetry collection out, I wondered if anyone would be even remotely interested in reading it, especially because I self-published and didn’t have a publisher’s expert stamp of approval. Plus, I am by no means an influencer or a recognized artist, so I had no real clout to depend upon. Now, I’m overwhelmed by the love and support from people who wanted to read my words and donate to the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network. People have told me that they have found solace in my writing, and that’s really all I could have asked for. I wanted to help foster a community of healing and understanding.
LUNA: Your art has served as a way to express yourself, and you noted in your announcement post that this collection is depressing. Why is it important to openly speak about mental health topics?
PESTANA: Mental health problems can feel so lonely, so painfully everlasting. As I have faced mental illness — both personally and in my relationships — I’ve found that communicating about it, figuring out the words to honestly describe it, and not suppressing it makes it feel a lot less impossible to deal with. It becomes a shared struggle, so the weight is not as heavy. That way, we can all help ourselves and help others and lift each other up.
Communication is definitely easier said than done. I’m so bad at talking about my feelings in conversation. I’m really scared of being vulnerable one-on-one. Poetry, working through my thoughts artistically, and shouting into the void instead of directly addressing someone are the best, most comfortable ways I can speak and understand my emotions. By sharing my words, I hope others can find comfort and community.
LUNA: Accessibility is clearly important to you and for your book it’s a name-your-price situation with 50% of the proceeds will be donated to the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network. What role do you think the creative community can play in important initiatives like this?
PESTANA: The creative community can do so much! Artists seek a platform to share their work, whether virtually or physically, so that their art can be consumed and inevitably communicate some sort of message (political, economic, social, cultural, whatever). I believe having a platform requires give and take: if you ask for support, you should give support, too. This creates a cycle of making the world better through community. What we share leaves an impression, so we should share wisely.
LUNA: I love the visuals that accompany the writing as well - can you share a bit about what that process was like of pairing the visuals and words?
PESTANA: Yes! I took most of the photographs where I grew up in the Bay Area, using film and this familiarity to evoke some sort of nostalgia throughout the book. Many of the poems have to do with reflecting on the past and understanding how childhood / life thus far has had lasting impacts, so I thought both the writing and imagery matched well.
Maddie Kutler, my girlfriend, illustrated the collection. I sent her the layout when everything was plain, and she drew these amazing little mushrooms (see: the titular mold) all over it. The mushrooms all have some sort of connection to the poem they accompany, whether in their name or in what they symbolize. For example, in the “spitters are quitters and i often swallow,” I say “i used to be an angel,” and Maddie drew a “destroying angel” mushroom.
LUNA: How do you think your other creative interests have shaped you as a writer?
PESTANA: I grew up practicing photography and theatre, so visuals and sounds have always been artistically resonant with me. I love incorporating these other senses into writing: breaking a line to make the poem sound or flow differently in a reader’s head, expressing a feeling by describing how something looks or sounds. The classic “show, don’t tell.”
In college, I’ve dove more into graphic design and playing music. I think writing influences these pursuits more than they influence my writing. For instance, I try to make my graphics *look* poetic, express something deep and emotional. It’s more of an art form than a marketing tool. Regarding music, I always write lyrics first. I try to make the sound frame the words. However, other musicians and lyricists definitely influence my writing (i.e. Phoebe Bridgers and Noname).
LUNA: What’s been inspiring you lately?
PESTANA: The year’s end, the short days, the cold air, the daytime sun, the mountains at sunset, the ocean, the smell of fresh bagels, the blues, spoken word, soup, gay comedy, my parents’ cat, my last semester of college, my love.
LUNA: Any tips for those wanting to self publish or find a way to put their work out there?
PESTANA: Write a bunch and see what people think! Submit to zines like The Luna Collective, send your poems to friends and ask what they think, join a writing group where you can give and take feedback, post your writing on social media, take a creative writing class. If you’re looking for a platform to self-publish, I cannot recommend Gumroad enough, especially since it is free and you can use the name-your-price feature (just sign up and sync your bank account a while before you intend on selling, since it takes a few weeks for your personal info to get reviewed so you can start collecting proceeds. Don’t make my mistake!).
LUNA: What intentions do you have for 2021?
PESTANA: Regarding poetry, I want to submit individual poems to zines & magazines, as well as submit at least one chapbook manuscript to publishers to see if they would like to put my work into the world. I also want to post more poems on social media so people can gradually connect with my writing instead of waiting for another avalanche of poems to drop on a far later date. Also, sharing my work online will help me connect with other like-minded writers, and I would love to expand my creative community.
Besides that...I intend to graduate and get a job. I really want to move to New York and adopt a cat. I want to cook more and try ceramics. I want to become a real freelance journalist. I’ll continue working on AFTER RAIN and social distan[zine]. I would love to make a photography book that maybe combines elements of graphic design. I want to continue contributing to mutual aid funds and advocating for important causes (abolition, queer and trans rights, accessibility to mental health, homelessness, etc.) and killing the gender binary and ending capitalism and uplifting important, inspiring, creative voices and using my platform for good. Despite how horrible the world is, I don’t want to stop trying to make it less horrible.
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